To know the end, look at the begining.

I'm at a point in my life where i'm not sure of what i want, from life, from love, from myself and from some of my relationships. However i think i do know what i do not want. So eventually i will know what i want if i eliminate all that i do not want. Sounds like crazy talk i know but what can i say normalcy has never been my style. I seek a lot of things but i am not sure if i really want it, for eg, affection and love, i know i want it but i'm not sure if i need it, i seek truth but i'm not sure if i can really handle it. 

I do know i want to find out where dad is, how he is, whether he's alive or dead and more importantly i just want to know why he did what he did. Its not justification i seek but i feel meeting him will finally give me some answers i've been looking all around for. I've missed him, missed his wisdom, his sarcasm and his wonderful sense of humor. I've just missed having him around.