Happy = No posts

I haven't been able to post anything in the recent past simply because I've been happy! Surprised eh, well what i mean is i haven't had any creative juices flowing to write anything and i also do believe that creativity feeds off of misery and i haven't been miserable enough. But I'm an optimist so I've decided to keep that aside and dig deep into my heart and pull out all the pain that once kept me so alive. To be honest i miss the pain, i really do.

The struggling's a thing of the past
And sometimes I miss the pain
That pain is the evidence I'm fighting for a cause - Much the same, Miss the pain

Love or something like it

I think I'm still in love but what i have been able to understand or make peace with is i don't fight it anymore, its a futile attempt i tell ya when you try fighting it.

I'm not an idealist as much as in I'm a realist now. I would like my heaven but i think I'll survive, more than survive actually. I told him yesterday that i would like my heaven but that may not include him and it was then that i realised i had moved on. I don't feel restricted by love anymore. Think about it, love restricts you in many ways,love will also tear and rip you apart, it could kill you too! But ofcourse if you're lucky love can love also put you and your life back together :)

I wonder if i still can ever have or find that kind of love, but what i also know is ive stopped looking, finally! And its a relief i tell you.

Golden days come and go, there is one thing i know,

I've still got the blues for you - Garry Moore.

Thinking aloud

Have you ever wondered if anything is absolute anymore. Is there a right and wrong, good and bad, truth and lies or are we simply left to use our imagination, interpretation... We make our rights and wrongs, our truths and lies and most times we are forced to manipulate the truth or transform it simply because we're often faced with things that are not of our own making.  

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

Innately, I'm a worrier, actually i used to be. Things have changed tremendously since my break up! For some reason my last break up tops the list of 'The 10 best things that's ever happened to me', sounds strange i know but that's the truth. Coming back to the worrying, i used to worry about everything, life, relationships, mostly its things i shouldn't be worrying about in the first place! 

I don't know what changed my perception but now what i do is i tell myself this - 

Don't worry about the small stuff!

ITS ALL SMALL STUFF, if you think about it! 

After all, the key to a happy life is a healthy mind and LOTSA spice eh?

Cheee Cheee Chennai!

For the lack of a better adjective i had to resort to what you see above to describe the hideous city! Chennai as such wasn't exactly fun, no fun at all to be honest. It was fun in parts or lemme say all the fun was thanks to Zulfi. The city officially sucks! Read on to know why i say that with so much conviction.. 

• Getting around is a pain, you have to depend on ricks and the drivers are nothing but a NUISANCE! Uncouth,rude,indecent and more! (Except for Mohan who was very polite and in fact even let Zulfi drive his rick around in the middle of the night, which was total awesomeness!)
  
• No decent place for continental food, i mean come on, its a metro, you'd expect one decent restaurant where you'd get continental food but no, not even at 10 Downing street!! Oh don't even get me started on that damn place, the alcohol was ok but the FOOD SUCKED!!
  
• Bars shut down at 11.30PM!! (thankfully the places i went to at least had decent music playing, thank god for that) 
  
• Not a decent theatre where they play English movies. I saw one Tamil movie and boy did i have a headache for the next 24 hrs! In case you're wondering why i would i see a Tamil movie, well I'm a tam bram, actually I'm a fake south Indian! ( More on that later)
  
• Cabs are shitty expensive, a half an hour drive i.e from T Nagar to the airport is 500 bucks! WTF!! i pay 80 bucks back home (Bombay), to get to the airport and if i were to cab it, it'll probably be 200 bucks tops! 
  
• People are known to ask only one question if you're single around here, 'when are you getting married?'!

Top this! I met a couple on my flight back to Bombay and they were in Chennai for their honeymoon! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!! Who goes from Bombay to Chennai for a honeymoon man!! Jeez I'd rather get divorced on my wedding night than go to Chennai for cherry popping! 

I do remember one funny thing that i wont forget for a bit i guess! I'm at a parlour for a hair wash and the girl asks me madam are you an air hostess, i laugh my head off and say 'who me? ME? Can you not see my size?? Tell me what airline is hiring this size and I'll apply!' There's more salt to be rubbed by the way, she says 'arre madam there are so many fatter air hostesses who come here!'

And Zulfi, you so owe me one!! :) 

Pelvic malalignment

You read it right! Pelvic Mal alignment (not misalignment)! The malady affecting dear MJ for decades has now struck yours truly. The symptoms on me however are not the same as those on MJ and do not cause my body to break dance in a series of choreographed steps.

My lower back started to hurt almost a month ago after a workout at my gym one day. I obviously didn't take it seriously, met a general physician (Who's an ass more than a doctor to be honest) and it kept getting worse. I took some pain killers, used heat fermentation did some physio but no relief. Then one my dearest friends gave me the shock of my life saying i may have a rather bad condition and i shouldn't be ignoring it. So i finally decide to see a specialist the next morning, which meant i would have to wake up at about 6.30 AM to make it on time. I was rather too early for my appointment, an hour to be precise and thankfully i had my ideapad to keep me company.

I finally meet the doctor. He does his routine and says you have a pelvic mal alignment. I go 'Jeez doc, i haven't even had enough sex to justify the condition'. He starts laughing and says 'madam this is not because of wrong sex'. I interrupt and say 'but doc i haven't had any sex in a  long time (I'm obviously lying) and there is nothing called as wrong sex, its either good sex or bad sex. He starts laughing even more and says 'madam', i interrupt him again and say 'please call me Renee'. Then he says ' Renee madam! You can have s e x ( very embarrassingly and sheepishly)  I say 'Thank god for small mercies!' He says 'but be careful madam, no JURKEY moments( jerky movements)' I reply ' Of course no doctor, I'm not looking for some mission impossible kinda fun in bed'. I have no idea what had gotten into me to have such a conversation with a doctor of all the people. HE for some reason was so happy to have met a patient like me that he says ' I wish my everyday starts with such a cheerphool patient like you' I smile and say 'thank you and I'm sorry if i was brash' I'm just a little shocked with this weird condition i have. Anyway he's told me that the mal aligment to get ok will not take more than eight to ten days but i cannot exercise for about a month and that is such a bummer i tell ya. 

On the brighter side, I can still have sex, but no wheelbarrow for tonight, will have to call in the the good old missionaries. Hmmm..so, is it less of a sin if we do it in the missionary position?

Chennai here i come :) or lemme say Zulfi, here i come :) 

Life is spectacularly unfair

Just when you feel life is beginning to finally work out and things seem to fall in place, BOOOOOOM everything changes, in a flash of a second, well not exactly but you know what i mean. I was looking forward to a life together with the guy who i think is (yes, is and not was) my soul mate, wants to take a break, infcat the both of want to take a break from each other. I mean I've been through enough relationships to realise what that's means. He's not ready to commit and i understand that because he's much younger, he wants to experience his freedom, he wants to live life on his terms, make some mistakes, enjoy the unexpected and blah blah blah. Of course he also wants an open relationship which i now am quiet okay with honestly.(More on the open relationship later) We stopped talking and only spoke. We stopped inspiring each other. We were anything but honest to each other and ourselves. In simpler words we fell apart and neither of us did anything to work things out, we chose the easier way out, i.e to break up! The things is both of us have ideological differences or let me say we had them, the ones you cant shove under the carpet or believe that one fine day it will be gone if you stick together long enough. We've stuck together for long, five years is no short time by any standards i think. But that's no guarantee is it, that if you've been together long enough everything will get okay. It certainly doesn't work like that! There are no guarantees in relationships or in life for that matter. If that's what you're looking for then you might as well buy a product off a shelf from a super mart and expect it give you the companionship you seek. I am very happy that i am able to see things objectively again, well i say that because of the person i had become or the person i last was some months back. We live in troubled times, a sinful world to be honest. Life is not meant to be fair, imagine if it was it would be such a boring thing to be a part of. Most times we feel life is unfair simply because of our unfair perspective.  

I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through,

I've never been perfect, but neither have you.. 

( Leave out all the rest  - Linkin park)